It's Nurses Week!

It's Nurses Week, and also the feast days of several minor saints, and perhaps the time to commemorate uncommon species of rodents or obscure varieties of peppers. As holidays, all warrant about the same degree of observance. But my Facebook news feed does show the annual bump in nurse cartoons, nods of appreciation of nurses that for the most part miss the mark, and a few truly humorous tales about Life with Nurses. One of the latter that hit both Facebook and my inbox more than once is said to have been offered up by the spouse of a nurse: Could be, but if so it's questionable that they actually have been married for 25 years, or that she has been a nurse that long. Or perhaps he's just a lovable slow learner, as many of the fine points and much of the true genius of what we do are missing from his piece. Regardless, in honor of this august occasion (Nurses Week. See, you forgot already), this crone from the Land of Nightingale (that would be Florence. She started all of this. At least in the modern era) is offering a p.s. for those married to nurses, friends and family of nurses, and those otherwise personally involved with nurses:

Don't even think about trying to deceive nurses. They routinely get complete strangers to strip naked and reveal intimate details within three minutes of their first hello. They have treated cheating spouses; criminals; people who don't want their closest intimates to know The Truth (whatever that may be in a given situation); ingenious souls who do anything to get more drugs, or fewer; executives and socialites more concerned about their Image than their lives, much less their health; and even teenagers. And they see all of these in their most vulnerable moments. Nurses go into homes, bedrooms, workplaces, schools, and they keep. going. back. (Facades can be sustained only so long.) Nurses see the cracks in the veneer of carefully crafted public personae, and have uncanny ways of inspiring people to let down their guard and get real. Nurses have a spidey sense like none other. If they haven't discerned exactly what your game is it's because in the overall scheme of things your piddly problem just isn't important enough to warrant the effort. But nurses know when something's off, when people are disingenuous. And God help you once you've triggered that alert.

Don't expect endless sympathy and comfort. Nurses want those they serve to be whole and strong, healthy and self-responsible. This means they dispense Tough Love generously and often. They won't do for you what you can do for yourself, although they may spend hours helping you learn. If you have a symptom or a problem they'll ask what you did to contribute to it and what you can do to make it better. You'll emerge empowered, not coddled. Nurses will help. They'll provide resources, encouragement, referrals, and kicks in the backside. They'll be your loudest cheerleaders and harshest critics. But they're not likely to tuck you in and bring you milk and cookies if you're more than ten years old. And those bedpans and shots so common in nurse jokes? Forget it. Nurses will have you walking to the bathroom under your own power and administering your own injections before you know it.

Odd as it may seem, nurses aren't always looking for more ways to help more people, more tales of woe to hear, or more problems to solve. You have your own family and friends; use them. There is someone in your doctor's practice who actually is being paid to take your call at 2 AM; if you truly need attention at that hour, make him or her earn his or her money. The Emergency Room and EMS are for emergencies; you pay for them with your taxes, your insurance premiums, and your hard-earned pocket money. When you need them, use them. If you call your neighbor or friend or fellow church/PTA/club member, or whoever, who happens to be a nurse, and that person chooses to respond and help you, it is because she or he is a true friend, Good Samaritan, and decent human being (and you should reciprocate in kind). It is not because nurses are limitless givers, doormats, or pathetic, bored souls glad for your giving them something to do on Saturday afternoon.

It's Nurses Week. While I can't speak for the saints, rodents, or peppers, if you're inclined to make an appreciative gesture to nurses you're correct in realizing that there is no thank you big enough for lives saved, medical mishaps averted, wisdom dispensed, confidence inspired, small changes caught early enough to prevent big problems, or the sense that someone who understands somehow knew how to get inside your head and body and guide you back to equilibrium and to new levels of self-care such as you never knew were possible. Empty platitudes, jokes about sex, and caricatures straight from the 1950s don't do it. Safe working conditions, opportunities to practice on the cutting edge and to the full extent of our ability and license, and compensation that reflects our value would help. But for one not in a position to effect those? Be a straight shooter, a respectful fellow citizen, and a self-responsible human being. And you'll find nurses will do the same for you.

P.S.: We also accept Starbucks gift cards, spa days, soft robes, spring flowers, and great dinners! After all,

It's Nurses Week!